In three parts, this is a long posture, but one I'm at which I'm pretty strong. It is in this posture that I begin to really "live in the muscles" and get out of my head a bit more. There are more difficult moments in these three parts, which challenge me mentally. In rising from the first and third squats I have difficulty; still building those muscles it really tests my edge not to lean forward. And coming down on my toes also makes my legs quiver. I have enough strength to do it, if my determination is also present. That will is really only required for a few moments, but it can be amazingly hard to call it into presence. I can do it, but not every time, not consistently.
It makes me think of teaching my students: one day a child might "get" a concept or work, and then "not get" it the next time. We tend to have high expectation of our children- that they are all brilliant (which is true), but that often mistranslates into they are brilliant at everything(which no one is). When they don't "get" something right away or their comprehension is evanescent, we tend to worry. Sometimes that worry is founded. Sometimes there are underlying learning issues that need to be addressed specifically. But sometimes it is the nature of learning that requires patience, patience and determination, keeping steadily at it. A child may struggle with a math concept or reading in the same way my legs quiver in awkward pose. Some days may be stronger or weaker, but with sustained determination, or at least a real intent toward determination, progress will be made over time.
For myself, determination is more easily called forth when I remind myself it is just for these three or four seconds that I have to really try. It's a question of motivation, and it is the same with children, though the form of motivation may vary. My own motivation varies; sometimes the time limit is not enough and I have to find other or additional mental prompts, like taking a quick look at the person next to me for inspiration (or even a little competition). Motivation is a moving target, for myself and with kids, as well. I need to become aware of what drives me (or my students) from moment to moment, which is another way of seeking, achieving union (yoga) with myself, or helping my students to know themselves better.
In education, part of the relatively new vernacular, borrowed from psychology, is metacognition. This is the ability to think about thinking, being aware of what and how you are feeling and thinking, with the intention of being better able to direct and manage our thinking. We talk a lot with kids about how they are feeling, what is difficult or easy for them and why they think that is. The result is, I think, that we are nurturing quite sophisticated minds. I wish we had done more of this when I was a child, but I am glad to have the opportunity now to practice this, both through teaching and through Bikram practice.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Meditation on the Meditation- Half Moon Pose
This is the first posture in the series and so I often continue to feel anxiety about what lies ahead. Though if it has been a couple of days since my last practice my back can be so tight, I like the feeling of stratching it, side to side, backward and forward. In moving side to side. I find it very difficult to keep my hips and shoulders in alignment. It takes great focus to keep what feels like twisting my spine for more than a few seconds. This is when focusing becomes challenging. It is so much easier to not try, to just not push as hard as I can. I notice my mind beginning to search for excuses-"I'm just tired today so I'll take it easy. My back hurts. I think I'm getting a cold. I'll try harder next time."
At this pose in my practice, my biggest excuse is that I don't want to exhaust myself at the start so that I can't make it through the whole class. This is significant, I think, because it is how I have lived much of my life. With chronic fatigue, I had to budget my energy, thinking ahead about what I had to accomplish for the day or the week. There were often many things I couldn't do for fear of not being able to do the things I had to do. I still have this tendency to be parsimonious about, well, living really. I'm still working on being more open to expending energy outside my work routine- going to a movie during the week, getting together with a friend, writing something creative, starting a masters program.
I have wanted to begin a masters program in child psychology or curriculum design for several years. I read many books and articles, attend seminars, etc. But I still hesitate to commit to a formal program. I hear myself thinking "what if I get sick? What if I can't keep up? What if I become overwhelmed?" I have made progress in engaging in short term goals and projects, such as the 30 day challenge, making additional materials for my classroom, writing this journal. I hope that with more time and active thought about this block, I will be able to reach for more substantial goals.
I am using half moon to explore these feelings. By pushing myself in the safety of the room I'm hoping this will happen off the mat as well. If I push myself in half moon and can still survive the rest of the class, I think that could translate into confidence in my energy and ability in life.
At this pose in my practice, my biggest excuse is that I don't want to exhaust myself at the start so that I can't make it through the whole class. This is significant, I think, because it is how I have lived much of my life. With chronic fatigue, I had to budget my energy, thinking ahead about what I had to accomplish for the day or the week. There were often many things I couldn't do for fear of not being able to do the things I had to do. I still have this tendency to be parsimonious about, well, living really. I'm still working on being more open to expending energy outside my work routine- going to a movie during the week, getting together with a friend, writing something creative, starting a masters program.
I have wanted to begin a masters program in child psychology or curriculum design for several years. I read many books and articles, attend seminars, etc. But I still hesitate to commit to a formal program. I hear myself thinking "what if I get sick? What if I can't keep up? What if I become overwhelmed?" I have made progress in engaging in short term goals and projects, such as the 30 day challenge, making additional materials for my classroom, writing this journal. I hope that with more time and active thought about this block, I will be able to reach for more substantial goals.
I am using half moon to explore these feelings. By pushing myself in the safety of the room I'm hoping this will happen off the mat as well. If I push myself in half moon and can still survive the rest of the class, I think that could translate into confidence in my energy and ability in life.
Healthy Meals- Day 6 and 7
Day 6
Breakfast:
Oat toast and earth balance butter
Apple
Lunch:
Quinoa and zucchini soup
Snack:
Miso soup
Umboshi plum
Dinner:
Quinoa and zucchini soup
Whole wheat crackers, olives and tofu
Day 7
Breakfast:
Brown rice pudding withbalmond milk and raisins
Lunch:
Miso soup
Dinner:
Collards
Brown rice
Breakfast:
Oat toast and earth balance butter
Apple
Lunch:
Quinoa and zucchini soup
Snack:
Miso soup
Umboshi plum
Dinner:
Quinoa and zucchini soup
Whole wheat crackers, olives and tofu
Day 7
Breakfast:
Brown rice pudding withbalmond milk and raisins
Lunch:
Miso soup
Dinner:
Collards
Brown rice
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Healthy Meals- Day 5
Breakfast:
My usual
Lunch:
Quinoa and sautéed squash
Jasmine iced tea
Dinner:
Zucchini soup and quinoa
Raspberries
I picked up my CSA order- lots of new vegetables
I need to look for a recipe for carrot greens.
My usual
Lunch:
Quinoa and sautéed squash
Jasmine iced tea
Dinner:
Zucchini soup and quinoa
Raspberries
I picked up my CSA order- lots of new vegetables
I need to look for a recipe for carrot greens.
A Meditation on the Meditation
Yoga is a moving meditation, a meditation on the body and its relation to the heart and mind. It is also a kind confrontation with personal limitations or perceived limitations. It can become a physical catharsis of emotional pain or trauma. At the same time it can be very comforting. The experiences from posture to posture are so complex they are difficult to put it into words, so ephemeral they are difficult to recall after the posture is over.
However, I'd like to attempt to begin to bring these to conscious light, to examine them in a different way.
I'll start at the beginning with pranayama breathing. This often brings with it an emotional recollection of all beginnings: the beginning of the school year, beginning a new book, a new friendship, a drive to an unfamiliar place, a new job. These usually elicit in me some nervous excitement, the thrill of adventure, curiosity about what is to come. The greater part of the feeling, however, is usually pure anxiety and sometimes panic: can I do it? (the practice, the school year, the drive), will I embarass myself?, oh,my god, this is going to be too hard!, don't want to do this after all- what was I thinking?, will I get hurt?
It doesn't help that, because it is at the beginning of class, I am stiff and my muscles cold, so that some of my doubts are reinforced by signals from my body. My neck hurts moving back and down over and over. My center of balance is elusive: are my hips in the right place? Is my back straight?, am I collapsing my rib cage (even though I'm focusing hard on lengthening my spine)? Am I holding my stomach in enough?
I also think about the class ahead. I want to get as much out of it as I can, so there is the pressure to "succeed" which is self-imposed as well as a desire sometimes to please the teacher- that need for external validation. I feel that more strongly with some teachers than with others. (But I'll save an examination of teacher-student relationship for another time. It requires and deserves it's own exploration, as I learn more about myself, not only as a student, but also as a teacher.)
As these doubts and desires bubble to the surface, so also am I trying to acknowledge, honor them and then let them go, to replace them with non-judgement, non-attachment. I am also consciously trying to replace them with positive messages to myself, positive thought.
Because I have a family history, as well as my own history of depression, my mind is deeply canalized for negative thought- it comes very easily to me and I can slip very quickly into those patterns of doubt, anxiety, frustration. As I begin and move through pranayama, throughout the entire practice, really, I try to remember this. I say to myself "now I a canalizing for happiness." I am trying to make new neural pathways for joy, acceptance, openness, curiosity.
In that spirit, I meet those familiar negative thoughts, recognize them and try to let them go. Of course, this a constant back-and-forth conversation. It's not a matter of winning the argument- positive thoughts vs negative thought- it is the importance of the conversation itself.
Another aspect of pranayama is, of course, the actual breathing, expanding lung capacity, gaining energy through breath, living in the breath. For me, though this doesn't always present itself as conscious thought, it is extraordinarily powerful nonetheless, as it calls out memories of both my mom and dad, who both died of lung related illness. As I breath deeply, looking at myself in the mirror, some part of me is recalling their deaths, their individual journeys, the pain and loss, the peace and release. I'm also looking into the face of my own mortality. I began and continue my practice because I want to live a long and healthy life and honor that lesson my parents gave me about making responsible choices and taking responsibility for my own health.
But I will die one day. Throughout the year following my mom's death, that reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I would stop on the stairs or getting out of my car or in the middle of a staff meeting and the thought of dying, specifically of Not Being one day anymore, would clench my heart and lungs like a vise. I found some books that lent me some perspective and made it possible for me to think very deeply about my own death without panicking and even with a great reverence for it. These thoughts, in one form or another, also arise during pranayama. And that's just the beginning of practice!
In the next post, I'll examine half-moon pose.
However, I'd like to attempt to begin to bring these to conscious light, to examine them in a different way.
I'll start at the beginning with pranayama breathing. This often brings with it an emotional recollection of all beginnings: the beginning of the school year, beginning a new book, a new friendship, a drive to an unfamiliar place, a new job. These usually elicit in me some nervous excitement, the thrill of adventure, curiosity about what is to come. The greater part of the feeling, however, is usually pure anxiety and sometimes panic: can I do it? (the practice, the school year, the drive), will I embarass myself?, oh,my god, this is going to be too hard!, don't want to do this after all- what was I thinking?, will I get hurt?
It doesn't help that, because it is at the beginning of class, I am stiff and my muscles cold, so that some of my doubts are reinforced by signals from my body. My neck hurts moving back and down over and over. My center of balance is elusive: are my hips in the right place? Is my back straight?, am I collapsing my rib cage (even though I'm focusing hard on lengthening my spine)? Am I holding my stomach in enough?
I also think about the class ahead. I want to get as much out of it as I can, so there is the pressure to "succeed" which is self-imposed as well as a desire sometimes to please the teacher- that need for external validation. I feel that more strongly with some teachers than with others. (But I'll save an examination of teacher-student relationship for another time. It requires and deserves it's own exploration, as I learn more about myself, not only as a student, but also as a teacher.)
As these doubts and desires bubble to the surface, so also am I trying to acknowledge, honor them and then let them go, to replace them with non-judgement, non-attachment. I am also consciously trying to replace them with positive messages to myself, positive thought.
Because I have a family history, as well as my own history of depression, my mind is deeply canalized for negative thought- it comes very easily to me and I can slip very quickly into those patterns of doubt, anxiety, frustration. As I begin and move through pranayama, throughout the entire practice, really, I try to remember this. I say to myself "now I a canalizing for happiness." I am trying to make new neural pathways for joy, acceptance, openness, curiosity.
In that spirit, I meet those familiar negative thoughts, recognize them and try to let them go. Of course, this a constant back-and-forth conversation. It's not a matter of winning the argument- positive thoughts vs negative thought- it is the importance of the conversation itself.
Another aspect of pranayama is, of course, the actual breathing, expanding lung capacity, gaining energy through breath, living in the breath. For me, though this doesn't always present itself as conscious thought, it is extraordinarily powerful nonetheless, as it calls out memories of both my mom and dad, who both died of lung related illness. As I breath deeply, looking at myself in the mirror, some part of me is recalling their deaths, their individual journeys, the pain and loss, the peace and release. I'm also looking into the face of my own mortality. I began and continue my practice because I want to live a long and healthy life and honor that lesson my parents gave me about making responsible choices and taking responsibility for my own health.
But I will die one day. Throughout the year following my mom's death, that reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I would stop on the stairs or getting out of my car or in the middle of a staff meeting and the thought of dying, specifically of Not Being one day anymore, would clench my heart and lungs like a vise. I found some books that lent me some perspective and made it possible for me to think very deeply about my own death without panicking and even with a great reverence for it. These thoughts, in one form or another, also arise during pranayama. And that's just the beginning of practice!
In the next post, I'll examine half-moon pose.
Heathy Eating- Day 4
Breakfast:
My standby, oatmeal with raisins
Roma, grain beverage
Lunch:
Leftover korma
Miso soup
Dinner:
Quinoa and the last of the korma
My standby, oatmeal with raisins
Roma, grain beverage
Lunch:
Leftover korma
Miso soup
Dinner:
Quinoa and the last of the korma
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Healthy Meals Day 3
Breakfast:
Oatmeal cooked with coconut milk with raisins and agave syrup
Oat toast with earth balance butter
Lunch:
Cucumber and beet salad with nayonaisse
Jasmine iced tea
Pickled radish
Snack:
Miso soup with shitake, tofu and kombu
Dinner:
vegetable korma
Non dairy chocolate pudding
Feeling a bit sore from double yoga class yesterday. Its a good sore but Robin suggested doing a double just once a week. Will do!
Oatmeal cooked with coconut milk with raisins and agave syrup
Oat toast with earth balance butter
Lunch:
Cucumber and beet salad with nayonaisse
Jasmine iced tea
Pickled radish
Snack:
Miso soup with shitake, tofu and kombu
Dinner:
vegetable korma
Non dairy chocolate pudding
Feeling a bit sore from double yoga class yesterday. Its a good sore but Robin suggested doing a double just once a week. Will do!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Healthy Meals- Day 2
Breakfast:
Slow cooked oatmeal with almond milk and raisins
Lots of water with Emergen-C to prepare for a double yoga practice this afternoon.
Lunch:
Cucumber and tomato sandwich with dairy free mayo and sour cream on toasted oat bread.
One peach
Im planning on yoga at 4:30 and again at 6:30. I'm working on building endurance. I'm also trying to get more out of a single trip to Danbury, thinking about mileage and money.
Dinner:
I'm planning on left-over korma- I made so much. I'll probably have enough for tomorrow, as well.
10 pm:
I did successfully complete two yoga classes. Starting the second class was a little daunting and I was shaky, but I continued and finished strong. I felt wonderful after the second class!
Slow cooked oatmeal with almond milk and raisins
Lots of water with Emergen-C to prepare for a double yoga practice this afternoon.
Lunch:
Cucumber and tomato sandwich with dairy free mayo and sour cream on toasted oat bread.
One peach
Im planning on yoga at 4:30 and again at 6:30. I'm working on building endurance. I'm also trying to get more out of a single trip to Danbury, thinking about mileage and money.
Dinner:
I'm planning on left-over korma- I made so much. I'll probably have enough for tomorrow, as well.
10 pm:
I did successfully complete two yoga classes. Starting the second class was a little daunting and I was shaky, but I continued and finished strong. I felt wonderful after the second class!
Just Because It's Outside My Comfort Zone Doesn't Mean I SHOULD Do It
Recently I was offered the chance to teach a small informal yoga class for some of my husbands's colleagues. It was flattering to be considered and I was glad that others were feeling curious about yoga and its possible benefits. To be able to inspire others about yoga through teaching would be exciting and gratifying- to spread my love of yoga. I am a teacher and I do practice yoga- I could do it. It would be outside my comfort zone a little in that I would be teaching adults and teaching something I haven't taught before to any great extent. It would be an opportunity to reach past my comfort zone. I'm curious about teaching yoga anyway- could it be something I could do more than part time?
However, I thought very deeply about the chance to teach this group and something was making me hesitate. Yes, it was a little uncomfortable, but I could work throughout that. I've been pushing my limitations and trying new things; I'm comfortable with being uncomfortable. At one point I had decided to go ahead and try it, thinking my hesitation was about feeling uncomfortable and I even felt pretty good about that choice- that I was meeting this opportunity and challenge. But later that night my concern grew quickly and acutely- I changed my mind and decided not to do it; that immediately felt like the right choice.
After some more thought, I realized that my choice was based on a deep respect for yoga. That teaching it, like teaching Montessori, requires the support of a complete and comprehensive pedagogy, including extensive training in the understanding and practice of the philosophy and strategy. Even for such a small beginners' group, those practioners deserve the same level of competency from their teacher as an advanced group does.
It has set me to thinking more about teaching yoga as a real possibility. I will keep meditating on that, make some pros and cons lists, think about how it might fit into or shape my life, talk with my husband . . . Maybe sometime down the road it will be something I will decide to do, with all the support of a proper training.
However, I thought very deeply about the chance to teach this group and something was making me hesitate. Yes, it was a little uncomfortable, but I could work throughout that. I've been pushing my limitations and trying new things; I'm comfortable with being uncomfortable. At one point I had decided to go ahead and try it, thinking my hesitation was about feeling uncomfortable and I even felt pretty good about that choice- that I was meeting this opportunity and challenge. But later that night my concern grew quickly and acutely- I changed my mind and decided not to do it; that immediately felt like the right choice.
After some more thought, I realized that my choice was based on a deep respect for yoga. That teaching it, like teaching Montessori, requires the support of a complete and comprehensive pedagogy, including extensive training in the understanding and practice of the philosophy and strategy. Even for such a small beginners' group, those practioners deserve the same level of competency from their teacher as an advanced group does.
It has set me to thinking more about teaching yoga as a real possibility. I will keep meditating on that, make some pros and cons lists, think about how it might fit into or shape my life, talk with my husband . . . Maybe sometime down the road it will be something I will decide to do, with all the support of a proper training.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Healthy Meals Day 1
Breakfast:
pc of organic whole grain oat toast with Earth Balance non dairy butter
Bowl of hot oatmeal with almond milk and agave syrup
Lunch:
Pickled radishes
Bowl of miso soup with tofu, shitake mushrooms, kombu and rice
Raw green beans
Dinner:
Grilled corn on the cob
Vegetable korma
Made with coconut milk, curry paste, zucchini, beet greens, shredded carrot, white beans and rice.
Dessert:
Chocolate mousse
Made with dairy free, grain sweetened chocolate, silken tofu, dairy free sour cream and a handful of raspberries.
pc of organic whole grain oat toast with Earth Balance non dairy butter
Bowl of hot oatmeal with almond milk and agave syrup
Lunch:
Pickled radishes
Bowl of miso soup with tofu, shitake mushrooms, kombu and rice
Raw green beans
Dinner:
Grilled corn on the cob
Vegetable korma
Made with coconut milk, curry paste, zucchini, beet greens, shredded carrot, white beans and rice.
Dessert:
Chocolate mousse
Made with dairy free, grain sweetened chocolate, silken tofu, dairy free sour cream and a handful of raspberries.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Supporting My Practice (and my Path) with Healthful (and indulgent) Eating
In December Some friends introduced me to the film "Forks Over Knives," about the health risks inherent in consuming animal protein. I won't outline the arguments here, but would encourage anyone and everyone to see this compelling and convincing documentary. I left the theater thinking very seriously of converting from vegetarian to vegan, or assuming a completely plant-based diet. I did cut way back on dairy consumtion, but it was not until after reading "Eating Animals" by Jonathan Safran Foer that I could no longer, in good conscience, eat animal products. The horrors of factory farming, the abject cruelty inflicted on the animals, the damage to the environment- and the undeniable human health risks- made me realize that for myself, eggs for breakfast or a big glass of milk were no longer options.
Thankfully, I was supported by friends on the same path and had great people to help me process all of these new realizations- and to suggest a good non-hydrogenated, dairy-free butter spread. They gave me books and blogs and shared their own weaknesses and temptations- mostly cheese! Throughout the final months of school I got by very well on brown rice, lentils, whatever vegetables I could get my hands on, tofu and miso soup. These I would eat very simply, steamed or quickly sauteed. But with all the great books and websites, I was so excited for summer and the time to try some different things.
Now that I'm in full summer mode, I've begun indulging in some of these foods. Many ideas come from Alicia Silverstone's book "The Kind Diet" but I find I'm using it so far just as inspiration, taking a recipe as a jumping off point to use what I have on hand. (I just picked up our first CSA order, supporting a small farm instead coporations at the roots of the big Factory farms)
In my next posts I'll share a journal of a week of good eating.
Thankfully, I was supported by friends on the same path and had great people to help me process all of these new realizations- and to suggest a good non-hydrogenated, dairy-free butter spread. They gave me books and blogs and shared their own weaknesses and temptations- mostly cheese! Throughout the final months of school I got by very well on brown rice, lentils, whatever vegetables I could get my hands on, tofu and miso soup. These I would eat very simply, steamed or quickly sauteed. But with all the great books and websites, I was so excited for summer and the time to try some different things.
Now that I'm in full summer mode, I've begun indulging in some of these foods. Many ideas come from Alicia Silverstone's book "The Kind Diet" but I find I'm using it so far just as inspiration, taking a recipe as a jumping off point to use what I have on hand. (I just picked up our first CSA order, supporting a small farm instead coporations at the roots of the big Factory farms)
In my next posts I'll share a journal of a week of good eating.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
30 Day Challenge- 14 Day Break- 1st Day Back
Starting in May I began a 30-day challenge. I had successfully completed a challenge last summer before school resumed and it felt like a great accomplishment.I felt so strong and ready to begin another school year. This more recent challenge was different. I was doing it during the school year- and during one of the busiest times, the end-of-year crunch. I knew it would be truly a challenge but I was ready for it. I wanted to push myself outside my comfort zone, I wanted to finish the school year with vigor, enthusiasm and joy.
One of the most challenging aspects of doing yoga every day was simply making the time for it and actually getting to the studio. I had after-school meetings, was finishing writing student reports and planning end-of-year activities for both students and colleagues. However, I managed to take some later practices and the weather and traffic were cooperative for the most part.
Of course, there was the challenge of the actual yoga as well. There were days, especially in the first couple of weeks, when I just felt (I hate to say it, because I consider this something I USED TO say) tired. The late classes made my days very long and I wasn't getting as much sleep- though I slept beautifully! Then I remembered that during my first yoga challenge I needed to add some sea vegetables to my diet to replenish all the minerals I was losing. I added a bowl or two of miso soup with kombu to my diet each day and I quickly felt better.
By the last week of my challenge I knew I was going to make it and I was feeling strong and happy- so happy! I even took on an extra project at school- organizing a fruit table for our school's field day. It was an idea I had after one of the practitioners at my studio share some chilled watermelon with everyone after class. It was the most delicious thing I ever ate. I thought it would be such a refreshing, nutritious snack to offer the hot, sweaty, hard working kids and teachers on field day. Parents donated and helped to serve strawberries, oranges, watermelon, blueberries and cantaloup. It was very appreciated- just like the watermelon I had after practice!
I did finish the challenge successfully and then my husband and I left for vacation in the Yucatan. I felt certain I wouldn't get sick this time- as I usually do when we travel. After all I was feeling strong from yoga practice and I was eating so well. I didn't think I was feeling proud, but maybe I was. When I got heat exhaustion- of all things!- I was humbled and disappointed. My back hurt from laying in bed and my stomach was in knots. I slept on and off for the better part of three days. I tried to be gentle with myself and allow that my body and I are on a journey, that healing and achieving health takes time. But I was still disappointed and still am a little, I must admit. Also, I just did not like feeling so sick. I've been sick so much of my life. After feeling so wonderful, I didn't want to go back to feeling that way- weak and sad and withdrawn- I didn't want to do anything, nothing interested me, I had no desire even to dream of things I want to do. Well, I am feeling better now, more my new self. I plan to talk with a doctor or nutritionist about what I can do in the future when I travel to improve my chances of staying healthy for the WHOLE trip. Maybe there is something I can do. When we got back home, I felt relief and an almost giddy gratitude for being home. We live in such a beautiful place and I just walked around our yard and house for a whole day just looking at furniture and pictures and hills and deer and baby rabbits- and hugging William, our cat. I suppose I wouldn't have felt that as strongly if I hadn't gotten so sick. And I could resume my yoga practice!
It had been two weeks since my last practice and I was excited but a little nervous about how it might go, especially after being really inactive for several days. After talking with Robin, I decided to be curious rather than nervous- and off I went to the studio. I was a little shaky at first, but I soon felt my body opening up in ways it hasn't before. I was surprised at how far and with what relative ease I could get into some postures. And my stamina was great; I felt alert and strong. I had had a headache and by the end of class that was gone. It felt like a great big AAAHHH!!! for my whole body! I mentioned to the teacher after class that it was my first class in two weeks and that I felt great. She said that it can be helpful to rest after a 30 day challenge. She was right!
One of the most challenging aspects of doing yoga every day was simply making the time for it and actually getting to the studio. I had after-school meetings, was finishing writing student reports and planning end-of-year activities for both students and colleagues. However, I managed to take some later practices and the weather and traffic were cooperative for the most part.
Of course, there was the challenge of the actual yoga as well. There were days, especially in the first couple of weeks, when I just felt (I hate to say it, because I consider this something I USED TO say) tired. The late classes made my days very long and I wasn't getting as much sleep- though I slept beautifully! Then I remembered that during my first yoga challenge I needed to add some sea vegetables to my diet to replenish all the minerals I was losing. I added a bowl or two of miso soup with kombu to my diet each day and I quickly felt better.
By the last week of my challenge I knew I was going to make it and I was feeling strong and happy- so happy! I even took on an extra project at school- organizing a fruit table for our school's field day. It was an idea I had after one of the practitioners at my studio share some chilled watermelon with everyone after class. It was the most delicious thing I ever ate. I thought it would be such a refreshing, nutritious snack to offer the hot, sweaty, hard working kids and teachers on field day. Parents donated and helped to serve strawberries, oranges, watermelon, blueberries and cantaloup. It was very appreciated- just like the watermelon I had after practice!
I did finish the challenge successfully and then my husband and I left for vacation in the Yucatan. I felt certain I wouldn't get sick this time- as I usually do when we travel. After all I was feeling strong from yoga practice and I was eating so well. I didn't think I was feeling proud, but maybe I was. When I got heat exhaustion- of all things!- I was humbled and disappointed. My back hurt from laying in bed and my stomach was in knots. I slept on and off for the better part of three days. I tried to be gentle with myself and allow that my body and I are on a journey, that healing and achieving health takes time. But I was still disappointed and still am a little, I must admit. Also, I just did not like feeling so sick. I've been sick so much of my life. After feeling so wonderful, I didn't want to go back to feeling that way- weak and sad and withdrawn- I didn't want to do anything, nothing interested me, I had no desire even to dream of things I want to do. Well, I am feeling better now, more my new self. I plan to talk with a doctor or nutritionist about what I can do in the future when I travel to improve my chances of staying healthy for the WHOLE trip. Maybe there is something I can do. When we got back home, I felt relief and an almost giddy gratitude for being home. We live in such a beautiful place and I just walked around our yard and house for a whole day just looking at furniture and pictures and hills and deer and baby rabbits- and hugging William, our cat. I suppose I wouldn't have felt that as strongly if I hadn't gotten so sick. And I could resume my yoga practice!
It had been two weeks since my last practice and I was excited but a little nervous about how it might go, especially after being really inactive for several days. After talking with Robin, I decided to be curious rather than nervous- and off I went to the studio. I was a little shaky at first, but I soon felt my body opening up in ways it hasn't before. I was surprised at how far and with what relative ease I could get into some postures. And my stamina was great; I felt alert and strong. I had had a headache and by the end of class that was gone. It felt like a great big AAAHHH!!! for my whole body! I mentioned to the teacher after class that it was my first class in two weeks and that I felt great. She said that it can be helpful to rest after a 30 day challenge. She was right!
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