January 30-Day Challenge

I was not able to do the 30-day challenge offered in June, but I did my own in August. It was exhilarating to finish successfully- I even did two classes in a row on my final day! It was a challenge and there were days I had to make myself go, but the really worrisome aspect of it was not getting to the class on time- traffic was my concern.

There is a challenge coming in January and I would love to participate. The main obstacles for this challenge for me are traffic, weather and work obligations. I could do a couple of things to minimize the obstacles such as leave early to manage delays from traffic. I could talk to people at work to see if I could leave early or take a personal day to help me achieve my goal. I can't do anything about the weather, but neither can anyone else.

The other option is to just come as often as I can. What should I do?

A Semester With no Sick Days

Today marks the first time I have made it through an entire semester with no sick days!

I admit that I've had a cough and congestion for several days; I even lost my voice for a bit. But I feel well, energetic and happy. Consistent practice has kept my symptoms from worsening and has buoyed my strength and spirit. It feels so good to be in that hot room on these cold days, to get my circulation flowing and to know I'll feel even better after class.

I'm very grateful for my practice and the improvement in my overall health.

Focus, Attention, Concentration

As a teacher of 6-9 year-old children, I'm always saying "pay attention," "concentrate," "focus on what you're doing." It is a consistent mantra throughout the school-day. I know a little about brain development which helps me understand why children at this age need so much help in this area. The frontal cortex, which is responsible for such executive functions as organization, attention, impulse control, is one of the last parts of the brain to fully myelinate.  Recent studies conclude that it isn't fully developed until a person reaches their mid-twenties (hence all the "unwise" decisions people tend to make before their mid-twenties.) Young children then have great difficulty in these cognitive areas, simply because the hardware isn't fully developed in their brains. As a teacher and adult in the lives of young children, I often feel like a surrogate frontal lobe to them, curbing their impulses, helping them make good decisions. I'm generally considered to be very organized; I'm good at planning ahead, foreseeing outcomes of various situations. I have excellent executive function capabilities- or so I thought.

The standing series of Bikram postures calls for intense concentration, even more than it calls for strength or flexibility. When I move through these postures, I feel and look like a weeble-wobble. I teeter and fall out of standing head-to-knee and bow several times. Even the ten seconds of stick is hard for me. I've come to realize how fragile attention can be- the slightest thing can become a distraction- a drop of sweat on my cheek, someone moving next to me, moving my eyes a fraction of an inch. The distractions can come from the inside as well- a negative thought, a doubt, even a moment of pride ("I'm doing it!"). I see this with my young students- a dangling necklace, a new pencil, a falling out with a friend- these can become a morning-long distraction for some children. I thought I was beyond this myself with my fully developed frontal cortex.

But for me, Bikram is still hard. It takes my whole brain to do it, working very intensely. My brain is therefore more vulnerable to distractions and less able to manage the constant impulses to be doing anything else but the hard work of the yoga posture. The standing series has given me the perspective of my students in a very real way. They are doing very hard work that taxes their already limited attentional capabilities. The yoga has allowed me to slip into their brains and face the same attentional challenges.

We are working on building our focus and concentration, my students and I, in a few ways.  We practice meditation about 4 times a week in our classroom, sitting still and listening to a meditation story or focusing on our breathing. During work time the children use a variety of strategies to hone their attention: noise-blocking headphones, sitting alone or silent timers for example. And they have me and my assistant to give them feedback, raising their awareness of their own actions. During Bikram practice, I'm trying to give myself the same kind of feedback to raise my awareness of what I'm doing and thinking. This meta-cognition- thinking about thinking- can help improve skills in many areas. I hope it will eventually help my balancing series.

Finally, I think improving focus takes a tremendous amount of patience. Like many people, I tend to be less patient with myself than with other people. I want to do a perfect bow position- and I want to do it now! I want to get my forehead to my knee today! I'm not there yet. But I hope to be. With patience and perseverance I think my ability to concentrate will improve. Someday. . . I will achieve a beautiful balancing series.

To Sit Out a Posture or Not To Sit Out a Posture

Now that I've been practicing for 9 months and have established some discipline in working through difficult moments in class, I'm experimenting with sitting out a posture now and then. Some teachers encourage it, especially with new students, reasoning that it is better to do all the postures you can but to do them the best that you can. If you're just flopping through, you're not getting the full benefits.

I've found it difficult to sit out postures, even early on, when I felt I HAD to or I'd pass out. It's hard for me to sit by, thinking about not keeping up and missing out on the benefits of the posture I'm not doing. It's also difficult to physically get back in the rhythm. Sitting down during the standing series and then getting back up can make me feel even more light-headed than I felt before. If I feel light-headed after a standing posture, I've found that often the next posture will help me recover. For example, I'm very dizzy after stick position, but the following forward bend brings the circulation back to my head, neck and shoulders and makes me feel better almost instantly.

Nevertheless, I have wanted to explore the difficulties I have sitting out a posture, particularly the feelings of not keeping up, being left behind, not getting everything I can out of each class. When I sit out, I try to keep focused on myself, but I'm interested in what other people are doing. I do take a few moments to look around the room and see if there isn't something I could learn from one of the other students. Then I focus on myself and just try to breathe through the uncomfortable thoughts that come up, in the same way I'm learning to breathe through uncomfortable moments in postures.

After a Challenging Day

Yesterday I really pondered about whether to go to yoga or not. I was busy the day before and have commitments today that prevent me from going, so that would mean three days without yoga. However, I was feeling defeated after a long week and a particularly tough day and just wanted to curl up under the covers away from the world.

I told my husband about being conflicted and he said "[if you go to yoga] maybe it will wake you up and make you feel better." His support encouraged me and I went. I had a great class. Some feelings bubbled up during practice and I was almost tearful at times but I worked through them. Afterward, I did feel better and more energized. If I had just gone home and to bed early, I might have continued to feel defeated and overwhelmed.

Bikram Yoga and Mental Health

One of the first positive changes I noticed when I started practicing was a brighter mood. I felt less overwhelmed by the responsibilities in my life (though they certainly haven't lessened) and less anxious and depressed. I've had lots of good things in my life, but only islands of real happiness or contentment in a sea of worry. I came to realize, as I practiced, that I had been mildly depressed for most of my adult life. But that now I no longer felt the same way- I was. . . happy.


A psychologist at a recent conference told the audience that current research is showing that regular exercise can be as effective as medication for treating depression in some cases. This exercise has certainly proven to be an effective treatment for me.

Bikram instructors often say "yoga is the only exercise through which you actually gain energy rather than spend it." I've tried other types of exercise: running, hiking, other types of yoga. This yoga is the one that has given me more energy and improved my mood.

I think it has also lent me a certain flexibility of thought that I didn't have before. They call the series of postures and breathing exercises a "90 minute moving meditation." It is so intense that it requires a focus which blocks all other thoughts. I've tried to think about other things during class- what am I going to do about this problem? What's my next step in that situation?- but I can't hold on to them. They quickly slip away as I struggle to control my breath and move into the next posture.  Throughout the classes, the teachers fill our ears with motivation as they push us to try harder. They say things like "struggling is good, this is supposed to hurt, you're stronger than you think you are, struggle harder, don't give up, thank yourself for coming, you're doing something so good for yourself, the more you put into this class the more you'll get out of it."

I think that in this meditative state, the mind is much more open to accepting these affirmations. I don't know, but I wonder what is going on in the brain at this time. It seems that the brain is primed in this state to change chemically or neurologically. This greater mental flexibility carries into the rest of my life- I'm not as easily rattled by change. I'm not as easily irritated or frustrated by situations I can't control.

I find myself recalling these affirmations at different times during my days- particularly "don't give up and struggle harder."