January 30-Day Challenge

I was not able to do the 30-day challenge offered in June, but I did my own in August. It was exhilarating to finish successfully- I even did two classes in a row on my final day! It was a challenge and there were days I had to make myself go, but the really worrisome aspect of it was not getting to the class on time- traffic was my concern.

There is a challenge coming in January and I would love to participate. The main obstacles for this challenge for me are traffic, weather and work obligations. I could do a couple of things to minimize the obstacles such as leave early to manage delays from traffic. I could talk to people at work to see if I could leave early or take a personal day to help me achieve my goal. I can't do anything about the weather, but neither can anyone else.

The other option is to just come as often as I can. What should I do?

A Semester With no Sick Days

Today marks the first time I have made it through an entire semester with no sick days!

I admit that I've had a cough and congestion for several days; I even lost my voice for a bit. But I feel well, energetic and happy. Consistent practice has kept my symptoms from worsening and has buoyed my strength and spirit. It feels so good to be in that hot room on these cold days, to get my circulation flowing and to know I'll feel even better after class.

I'm very grateful for my practice and the improvement in my overall health.

Focus, Attention, Concentration

As a teacher of 6-9 year-old children, I'm always saying "pay attention," "concentrate," "focus on what you're doing." It is a consistent mantra throughout the school-day. I know a little about brain development which helps me understand why children at this age need so much help in this area. The frontal cortex, which is responsible for such executive functions as organization, attention, impulse control, is one of the last parts of the brain to fully myelinate.  Recent studies conclude that it isn't fully developed until a person reaches their mid-twenties (hence all the "unwise" decisions people tend to make before their mid-twenties.) Young children then have great difficulty in these cognitive areas, simply because the hardware isn't fully developed in their brains. As a teacher and adult in the lives of young children, I often feel like a surrogate frontal lobe to them, curbing their impulses, helping them make good decisions. I'm generally considered to be very organized; I'm good at planning ahead, foreseeing outcomes of various situations. I have excellent executive function capabilities- or so I thought.

The standing series of Bikram postures calls for intense concentration, even more than it calls for strength or flexibility. When I move through these postures, I feel and look like a weeble-wobble. I teeter and fall out of standing head-to-knee and bow several times. Even the ten seconds of stick is hard for me. I've come to realize how fragile attention can be- the slightest thing can become a distraction- a drop of sweat on my cheek, someone moving next to me, moving my eyes a fraction of an inch. The distractions can come from the inside as well- a negative thought, a doubt, even a moment of pride ("I'm doing it!"). I see this with my young students- a dangling necklace, a new pencil, a falling out with a friend- these can become a morning-long distraction for some children. I thought I was beyond this myself with my fully developed frontal cortex.

But for me, Bikram is still hard. It takes my whole brain to do it, working very intensely. My brain is therefore more vulnerable to distractions and less able to manage the constant impulses to be doing anything else but the hard work of the yoga posture. The standing series has given me the perspective of my students in a very real way. They are doing very hard work that taxes their already limited attentional capabilities. The yoga has allowed me to slip into their brains and face the same attentional challenges.

We are working on building our focus and concentration, my students and I, in a few ways.  We practice meditation about 4 times a week in our classroom, sitting still and listening to a meditation story or focusing on our breathing. During work time the children use a variety of strategies to hone their attention: noise-blocking headphones, sitting alone or silent timers for example. And they have me and my assistant to give them feedback, raising their awareness of their own actions. During Bikram practice, I'm trying to give myself the same kind of feedback to raise my awareness of what I'm doing and thinking. This meta-cognition- thinking about thinking- can help improve skills in many areas. I hope it will eventually help my balancing series.

Finally, I think improving focus takes a tremendous amount of patience. Like many people, I tend to be less patient with myself than with other people. I want to do a perfect bow position- and I want to do it now! I want to get my forehead to my knee today! I'm not there yet. But I hope to be. With patience and perseverance I think my ability to concentrate will improve. Someday. . . I will achieve a beautiful balancing series.

To Sit Out a Posture or Not To Sit Out a Posture

Now that I've been practicing for 9 months and have established some discipline in working through difficult moments in class, I'm experimenting with sitting out a posture now and then. Some teachers encourage it, especially with new students, reasoning that it is better to do all the postures you can but to do them the best that you can. If you're just flopping through, you're not getting the full benefits.

I've found it difficult to sit out postures, even early on, when I felt I HAD to or I'd pass out. It's hard for me to sit by, thinking about not keeping up and missing out on the benefits of the posture I'm not doing. It's also difficult to physically get back in the rhythm. Sitting down during the standing series and then getting back up can make me feel even more light-headed than I felt before. If I feel light-headed after a standing posture, I've found that often the next posture will help me recover. For example, I'm very dizzy after stick position, but the following forward bend brings the circulation back to my head, neck and shoulders and makes me feel better almost instantly.

Nevertheless, I have wanted to explore the difficulties I have sitting out a posture, particularly the feelings of not keeping up, being left behind, not getting everything I can out of each class. When I sit out, I try to keep focused on myself, but I'm interested in what other people are doing. I do take a few moments to look around the room and see if there isn't something I could learn from one of the other students. Then I focus on myself and just try to breathe through the uncomfortable thoughts that come up, in the same way I'm learning to breathe through uncomfortable moments in postures.

After a Challenging Day

Yesterday I really pondered about whether to go to yoga or not. I was busy the day before and have commitments today that prevent me from going, so that would mean three days without yoga. However, I was feeling defeated after a long week and a particularly tough day and just wanted to curl up under the covers away from the world.

I told my husband about being conflicted and he said "[if you go to yoga] maybe it will wake you up and make you feel better." His support encouraged me and I went. I had a great class. Some feelings bubbled up during practice and I was almost tearful at times but I worked through them. Afterward, I did feel better and more energized. If I had just gone home and to bed early, I might have continued to feel defeated and overwhelmed.

Bikram Yoga and Mental Health

One of the first positive changes I noticed when I started practicing was a brighter mood. I felt less overwhelmed by the responsibilities in my life (though they certainly haven't lessened) and less anxious and depressed. I've had lots of good things in my life, but only islands of real happiness or contentment in a sea of worry. I came to realize, as I practiced, that I had been mildly depressed for most of my adult life. But that now I no longer felt the same way- I was. . . happy.


A psychologist at a recent conference told the audience that current research is showing that regular exercise can be as effective as medication for treating depression in some cases. This exercise has certainly proven to be an effective treatment for me.

Bikram instructors often say "yoga is the only exercise through which you actually gain energy rather than spend it." I've tried other types of exercise: running, hiking, other types of yoga. This yoga is the one that has given me more energy and improved my mood.

I think it has also lent me a certain flexibility of thought that I didn't have before. They call the series of postures and breathing exercises a "90 minute moving meditation." It is so intense that it requires a focus which blocks all other thoughts. I've tried to think about other things during class- what am I going to do about this problem? What's my next step in that situation?- but I can't hold on to them. They quickly slip away as I struggle to control my breath and move into the next posture.  Throughout the classes, the teachers fill our ears with motivation as they push us to try harder. They say things like "struggling is good, this is supposed to hurt, you're stronger than you think you are, struggle harder, don't give up, thank yourself for coming, you're doing something so good for yourself, the more you put into this class the more you'll get out of it."

I think that in this meditative state, the mind is much more open to accepting these affirmations. I don't know, but I wonder what is going on in the brain at this time. It seems that the brain is primed in this state to change chemically or neurologically. This greater mental flexibility carries into the rest of my life- I'm not as easily rattled by change. I'm not as easily irritated or frustrated by situations I can't control.

I find myself recalling these affirmations at different times during my days- particularly "don't give up and struggle harder."

Time Management and Bikram Yoga

One of the reasons I hesitated to begin a regular Bikram practice for so long was the enormous time commitment. The class is 90 minutes. It takes me 30 minutes from home and 45 minutes from work to get to the studio. I can't really work in errands after a class because I have to get home and shower. So, all told, it is about 3 hours of my day.

Once I began practicing,  I did have to make adjustments to my schedule. All of which I was more willing and much more easily able to do than I first thought possible.

First, I found I didn't need 10-12 hours of sleep anymore. 8 or 9, with an occasional 10 hours was fine- and much closer to what I've heard is a normal amount of sleep. Second, I stopped watching as much t.v. (I was addicted to HGTV and the History Channel). Now I only watch a couple of shows I really like- and I can watch them on Hulu so I don't have to think about scheduling around them. Third, I let some things go- I don't clean my house quite as often (I am fortunate to have a helpful husband and I still manage to do my part- just not on a schedule), I only check my email once a night. I was concerned that my work might suffer, but that I actually have more time for because I have the energy to invest. So trading some time for energy and giving up certain not-good-for-me-anyway activities, has made it possible to make that 3-hour time commitment.

I practice 4-5 times/ wk, but the days and times I go fluctuate a lot. My guidelines for myself are that I do three days in a row as often as I can and that I don't go for more than two days without a practice- and I try not to have too many two-day breaks too often. This gives me flexibility in my schedule so that if I have a meeting that goes late or an evening commitment, I can relax (at least about getting to yoga) knowing that I have tomorrow to go. Having my guidelines keeps me on track though, as I could otherwise spend a lot of energy deciding whether or not to go to a class, coming up with excuses, feeling guilty about not going- and then regretful that I didn't go.

I have never regretted going to a class- even the ones that were hardest for me- but each class I have opted out of "just because" I really have regretted missing. It felt like a great opportunity lost. 

My responsibilities are not the same as the next person's and my solutions for managing the time commitment won't necessarily work for anybody else. But one concept Bikram addresses and demonstrates consistently is becoming flexible in your thought as well as in your body. It asks you to move out of your comfort zone, try things that are uncomfortable or hard for you, redefine what is possible for yourself. If something is stopping you from beginning a practice- or doing anything you want to in life- ask yourself what it is and then just begin to look at it differently- like "This is something I can change" instead of  "This is just the way it is. I can't change it." There's a line I use as positive self-talk "What if we just acted like everything was easy?" For me this line helps me shift my thought- it's subtle, but effective- to a more positive, lighter point of view. I have spent a lot of time and energy thinking about how hard everything is- this line gives me permission to let go of that perspective. This line doesn't make it harder by demanding that I look at things differently; it just supposes "what if?" And it doesn't say "you can make everything easy;" it just says "what if we tried acting like it's easy." I've read that smiling when you're sad can physiologically improve your mood; I think this is the same thing.

Responsibilities present real challenges that can't be simply mantra-ed away, certainly- at least not right away. I don't have children of my own but I know women with children who struggle to find the time for Bikram (or any time for themselves.) I would just urge you to keep looking for solutions- a babysitter, a neighbor- if your children are old enough, take them with you. Start by setting your intention to look at what might be holding you back. One thing to consider: It's doesn't have to be selfish to make the time for Bikram- you could think about it this way- you take care of yourself, so that you can take care of the others in your life. You become a positive role model in yet one more way to your children, showing them the importance of taking care of your body and mind, taking responsibility for yourself and empowering yourself.

Bikram practice has been a big time investment for me, but the yields have been and continue to be tremendous. 

Recovering From a Cold

Before Bikram, I was almost always sick. I would have colds that lasted days or a week or longer. Just when I felt a bit better I'd get some other cold or flu. Since beginning Bikram yoga I've had very few colds. When I do get them they last only a day or so and the symptoms are much less severe.

I've found that going to class near the onset of symptoms of a cold makes me feel better by the next day. I've had that experience once a few months ago and again this week.

A busy weekend after a long period (a month) of working without taking a day off was too much for me, I think.* Yesterday I began feeling a scratchy throat and headache, stiff muscles and congestion. I went to class this morning and struggled through- it seemed extra hot (which was good for my achy muscles, but hard for breathing) and I felt tired and weaker than usual. I needed to sit out one posture one time and I felt lighted headed almost from pranayama breathing, but I persevered, knowing I would feel better later. I did all of the postures (except one set of balancing stick) as best I could, without getting too lighted headed. My recovery was much longer than usual- I needed to stay in final savasana for almost 10 minutes and felt tired immediately after class. But after a shower and a good lunch, I was able to do all of my pre-Thanksgiving errands and now I feel almost completely recovered and well again.

I'm careful, when I'm not feeling well, to not share my germs with others in class. I just keep to myself a bit more and don't touch anything but my own belongings.


*One thing I've had to adjust to is the change in my energy level. It is far greater since beginning Bikram, but still I can push myself too hard. I'm able to accomplish much more with less effort, exhaustion and fuss. Still, I have limitations which I need to respect. However, I don't see these limitations as set in stone anymore- over time I expect continue to increase my energy levels and immune response. I find I can test my current limitations with less concern (that I'll be put out of commission for days) and more curiosity about how much better I might respond.

Why I began to Practice Bikram Yoga

I have always been a bit of a hot house flower- sensitive to changes in my environment and routine, quick to catch whatever cold or flu viruses are floating around, easily fatigued and overwhelmed- physically and emotionally. I have lived with arthritis and chronic fatigue for many years. My increasingly annoying, frequent and persistent catchphrase was "I'm so tired." Maybe it's just my genes. Perhaps it began when I contracted the mono virus when I was just ten years old. Doctors have never been able to give me clear answers- maybe there are none to give- or recommendations that helped. I went through periods of anger and frustration about my condition and finally I think I just resigned myself to believing "this is just how I am and how I feel- deal with it."

In March of 2009 my mother passed away after years of living with emphysema, which restricted her life to smaller and smaller realms, taking more and more of her gifts, abilities and connections to the world and people she loved. After seeing her in chronic discomfort and pain for so long and finally losing her to such a cruel degenerative disease, something in me shifted. I would not just give up on myself and leave myself vulnerable to the degenerative illnesses of age; I would not let this final lesson, this final gift from my mother go unheeded.

My friend, Robin, had been practicing and teaching Bikram yoga for many years and lovingly persisted in telling me about the benefits of regular practice. I believed her. I wanted to- I just couldn't figure out how I could do it. I barely had enough energy to make it through my days as a teacher. I needed 10-12 hours of sleep to recover enough to get through the next day. How could I, after a long school day, drive the 30 minutes to the closest Bikram studio, work through the tough 90 minute yoga routine, drive home- and still have time to unwind from my day and get my requisite hours of sleep?

A year after my mother's death, almost to to day, I pushed aside all of my excuses- all of my real concerns about how I could manage this- and took the first class of what would become my regular practice. After a few classes, I signed-up for a year-long package. I made a year-long commitment to this practice, which, I suspected, after only a few classes, could be the first thing to make a real difference in my health.

I enjoyed the mental challenge with which the teachers framed the practice. Positive and supportive, but unyielding in their rules to "stay in the room," "try harder," "find your edge and hold it," "go past your comfort zone," the teachers and their dialog resonated with me.




After class, when I looked in the mirror, my eyes looked brighter and my skin seemed to glow. After the first few classes, I felt more alert and awake. I felt less exhausted, even though I had pushed and exerted myself through the hot, uncomfortable 90 minutes of postures. I felt lighter somehow- happier. This seemed something more than the endorphin rush of cardiovascular exercise, which for me only lasted a few hours at most. This was a happiness sustained, a contented bliss that stayed with me.

I was hooked.