The first in the balancing series. For me, this posture is about frustration with limitations. It's the most intimidating to look at and so makes me want to master it. I want to be able to say "I can do that." My balance has improved a bit, I think, but I have not made much progress. I can keep my leg up and parallel pretty well, pretty consistently, but I can not get my head to my knee. I lose my balance, a muscle twitches. I'm close, so close sometimes, but I just can't do it!
Of course, there are parallels I can draw off the mat as well, things I just can't do no matter how hard I try. Limitations. They exist. No one can do everything.
The question is how we respond to our limitations. Lately, my response has been frustration. Not a very effective response. Frustration can be a turning point, the point at which you can decide to keep trying (out of determination or habit) or give up.
I usually don't give up. But it's not easy to stand toe to toe with that frustration. It can make me deeply sad not to be able to do or be something I desire. That limitation can become a magnifying glass for all of my short-comings and lead to a downward spiral toward depression.
So what is an alternative? Sometimes I indulge in living in that frustration and sadness, but it consumes so much energy I can't stay there long. So, there is letting go, acceptance. And a purposeful turning toward happiness. What am I doing this for (this posture, this practice, this life) if not to cultivate happiness?
Happiness can not be attached to a specific goal. Goals come and go. Success, triumph, beauty, ability are all ephemeral and so any joy that accompanies them. The trick- and it is tricky- is to find happiness through limitations, even failure. The gift of this posture for me is the opportunity to look for happiness in my failure.
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