Toe Stand and Love

This afternoon I successfully did toe stand!

This is a posture I have not given much attention, partly because I've felt so far away from achieving it. I could often get down on my heel and could maybe raise one hand off the floor- but after that I wobbled all over, side to side and back and forth.

But today- I'm not sure what happened. . . I felt new strength in my toes to lift up off my heel a little. Then I just though about sitting up straight and tall. Before I knew it I had both hands in prayer. Then I lifted my gaze to see (a little disbelievingly) myself sitting in a very respectable toe stand!

I only did it once and it may not happen again right away (or maybe it will), but I was happily amazed at myself.  My friend Robin told me to have faith, determination, self-control, concentration and patience, patience, patience.

I've been practicing now for almost a year and I would count this as a fairly short period of time to have achieved, not just toe stand, but all I have gained: happiness, strength, flexibility in body and mind, a new appreciation, respect and admiration for my own body- a body I have treated with varying degrees of neglect or disdain for much of my life. Someone said "with regular Bikram practice you will fall in love with your body." When I first started, I thought "Well, I may make peace with my body or come to some polite agreement with my body- but love? Hmmm . . ." I do feel that love now- that admiration for what my body is capable of doing, a deep appreciation for the responsibility my body has to sally me through my days. For the first time I even see beauty in it.

Achieving toe stand today was like sharing a secret valentine with myself.

Comfortable with Uncertainty

This month has been full of snow and all of the disruptions that weather brings with it- snow days, delayed openings and early closings at school, treacherous driving and canceled yoga classes. Pre-Bikram, these last minute changes in routine and the uncertainty that accompanies it would have been a tremendous source of stress for me. It occurred to me when we had a change of teacher in the middle of practice (on two occasions) and a teacher's puppy making faces at us through the door, that I have become much more adaptable to distractions and disruptions. Usually, the children at school are very discombobulated by an on-again, off-again schedule, but they haven't been. I know I feel much more que sera sera about it myself and maybe they're responding to that. This adaptability and more relaxed attitude is one more thing I think I owe to my Bikram practice.

Plus- it is helping mitigate the back and shoulder strain from shoveling all this snow!